Great Men Stories

My parents divorced when I was 7, and my mother and two sisters moved far away, and so I missed out on having my father around as I would have liked.

I was partly raised by my grandparents, so I was grateful to have found a father figure in my grandfather. He helped me with my math and science homework, taught me how to garden, how to have an insect collection, and he bought me books and magazines such as National Geographic and Zoobooks. Since I was a teeny kid, I have always loved the outdoors, so it was great having someone to share it with.

I have had two great teachers in my life, and they are both men. One was my art teacher in high school who encouraged me to go into the arts. I learned oil painting techniques, acrylic, watercolor, and was encouraged by him to enroll in various art contests. I currently work as a Flash animator. I was able to talk to him about troubling home life. My mother has a personality disorder, and I was no longer living with my grandparents but with her and my sisters. life was hard. It was nice to have a parental type figure to console in.

Most of my teachers in college were men. My industry seems to attract more males, especially in computer animation. All of them were greatly encouraging.

I will admit I went through a period where I distrusted men and looked down on them. It was when I started dating, and about that time, my mother disapproved of most if not all men I dated. My mother is against men since her divorce, and the attitude was rubbing off on me.

I became aware of this negative outlook I had after reading an intriguing book I found in the library called “Save The Males”. I couldn’t resist the funny title, so I had to check it out. It was then I realized I carried around a certain loathing for men that I was not aware of before. I then made a list of all the men in my life who have helped me get where I was today. I was surprised to find in my case, that most of the people who have supported me and encouraged me (including my grandfather) were men!

I also began realizing that many of the societal “faults” that men “have” are imaginary (eg selfishness or fear of commitment). It hit me that many of the things I thought men did or said (esp. in relationships)…well, I had them, too! We are not as different as I thought. I am not saying I am selfish, but what I perceived as selfishness in a relationship was far off the mark. Sometimes, it is as simple as getting to know someone rather than jumping in a relationship, which some women have been known to do.

Lastly, I am grateful to have found this site, and I enjoy reading.

Hi, Joy,

I love the realizations you’ve had about all the great men you’ve had in your life all along. We are often so influenced by women who are angry with men, and we absorb those feelings and take on those beliefs, which of course have a negative impact on our relationships with men…everywhere.

Hooray for you that you see/acknowledge that men and women have very similar needs, issues and concerns. Men feel things deeply, just like we do, for one thing – something many women (sadly) find hard to believe.

I wish for you continued success at seeing the greatness in men!

Karen

Hi Karen,

Thank you. I believe I am still on this journey of self-discovery and reconciliation with the opposite sex.

It is indeed surprising to find how pervasive the media is in regards to negative imagery and messages, as well as our own families.

I am thankful to have some male friends in my life now, and it helps to gain a better perspective on how they may think and perceive things. I had a period of time where I didn’t have many (if any) male friends, and I believe it was from my trust issues.

I believe they can indeed sense the vibes and distrust, even if one is polite and nothing is said in regards to the distrust. Just like it is detectable when a man is uncomfortable around women, I imagine it is likewise detectable when a women is distrustful/uncomfortable around men.

I hope this site raises awareness of the issues men go through, and continues to break down the barriers between the sexes.

-Joy

Oh, no question that men can read our attitudes, regardless of what the words are we use. I’m so glad you’re on the path to healing your relationships with men. You – and they – will benefit so much (and so will everyone around you).

Karen

Hi Karen,

I received your Men Are Great book today. I am enjoying it very much. I noticed on pages 89-90, you wrote something that caught my eye especially. Something I have not heard of before, but rang true for different women I know…perhaps including myself. I do not want to write per vat um what you wrote, but to summarize in my own words:

Some women are facing a plight of falling for unavailable men or men who do not reciprocate the woman’s feelings for him. However, when a totally emotionally available, single man opens up to these women, they are dismissed. The women are UNABLE to feel chemistry for them.

…my question is, I am wondering why this is so for some women. Does it have to do with parental upbringing–like, maybe the parents of some individuals were unavailable emotionally, so this is what some people define as love.\

Or, maybe it is because the media conditions us to fall for a mysterious and aloof type of person and labels an emotionally open and available person as “boring”?

I am wondering what your take is on this.

Thanks!

Joy